Let’s just pretend that I’ve published a few novels, have a little money in my pocket and finally that cardboard cut-out of David Boreanaz to call my own, and that this is what’s on the back dust jacket cover, shall we?

MK Sauer developed an obsession with vampires at the age of nine because of her mother’s flat-out refusal to allow her to watch Interview with a Vampire. At the tender age of 13, when she was exposed to Russian Literature — mainly Dostoevsky, Gogol, and Bulgakov — her fate was sealed, the sunflower oil was spilled, and her destiny was revealed. High-brow horror — also know by the slightly more appealing moniker Dracula-Meets-Dostoevsky — was created in the rumblings of her pre-pubescent brain.

She now lives in Colorado where she spends her free time reading the endless expanse known as tvtropes.org, working at a coffee shop and critiquing any and all vampire-related paraphernalia, which includes but is not limited to: movies, books, TV shows, songs, plays, odes, poetry, soliloquies, eulogies, mini-series, and of course, the backs of cereal boxes.

She also enjoys speaking in the third person, a condition which she has linked to the advent of the Facebook status update.

You also have to imagine that there’s a picture of -what-would-happen-if-Linda-Hamilton-and-Cara-from-Legend-of-the-Seeker-had-a-kid somewhere on there in a top hat, with blue hair and a pair of goggles. Because that’s what I kind of look like.